


This Is A Set Of Stories

by lazywhaler



Category: Dishonored (Video Games)
Genre: Dark Comedy, Drabble Collection, Ficlet Collection, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-15
Updated: 2016-12-18
Packaged: 2018-08-15 04:54:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 2,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8043331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lazywhaler/pseuds/lazywhaler
Summary: A collection of darkly humorous one-shots.





	1. Dunstan

Let me tell you a story about a man called Dunstan.

Dunstan is a member of the City Watch employed to patrol the baroque halls of the renowned pleasure establishment, The Golden Cat. Dunstan’s position is viewed as an enviable one, owing to its obvious perks and charms, although Dunstan found himself immune to them fairly quickly.

The task of ensuring the security of an establishment is sometimes assumed to be fraught with peril. This assumption is incorrect. It is fraught with boredom. Dunstan often found himself bored while working. He was also bored when he wasn’t working, but this doesn’t concern us.

To alleviate himself from such mind-numbing tedium, Dunstan took to what is colloquially known as ‘drinking on the job’. It started off in tiny quantities. First, just a glass. Then, just two glasses. Then - I am sure you follow the pattern. He drank more and more with every passing week.

Create a picture in your mind: A City Watch guard, passed out drunk, slumped on a chair, shielded from the scathing view of his colleagues by ornate screens. One of the women who was under the employ of the bathhouse, sees him, and feels pity for him, in her kind heart. She tries to wake him up. He swats her away drunkenly.

Nobody notices the dark figure crouched on the chandelier.

The masked figure is amused by the sight of the drunken guard slumped on his chair. He is so amused that he clenches his left hand, and swarms of hungry rats crawl from cracks and crevices in the walls, and from the floors and begin to devour everyone in sight. The cloaked figure watches as screams echo in the cavernous hall, while flesh is ripped off bone, and even bone is devoured. Everyone is gone.

Everyone except Dunstan.

The figure is bemused. The screams did not wake Dunstan. The rats did not eat Dunstan. The figure pulls out a pistol, takes aim and fires three times at Dunstan.

Dunstan is utterly untouched.

Now, the figure is angry. He reaches into his pocket and flings a grenade, which lands at Dunstan’s feet. The grenade detonates.

Dunstan is unscathed.

The figure is now utterly livid. He raises his left hand once more. It is time to end this game. He will gain control of Dunstan’s body and force him to throw himself from the balcony. He clenches his fist.

Nothing happened.

The figure does not know what to feel anymore. He is enraged and perplexed, at his wit’s end. He vanishes once more, on his way to perform a double assassination. Dunstan has bested him.

This was the story of a man named Dunstan, who drank so much, he was impervious to the powers of the Outsider.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a stupid idea I had while browsing the Dishonored wiki


	2. Jasper

This is a story of a man named Jasper.

Jasper was an Overseer for the Abbey Of The Everyman. He was not an especially pious man, but he enjoyed the power his position brought him, so he loved his job.

The opening of our story finds Overseer Jasper in front of the stocks at night, mocking an Overseer shackled there. The things he says does not bear repeating.

His colleague’s retort regarding Overseer Jasper’s wife is still ringing in his years when someone grabs him from behind, and everything goes black.

Overseer Jasper regains consciousness on a stack of boxes in the afternoon. He will soon wish he hadn’t.

Overseer Jasper is now in hot water because the others believe that he abandoned his post. This would have been unacceptable under any circumstances, but his misdemeanour is now coupled with the murder of High Overseer Campbell at the hands of an intruder.

This, however, isn’t the worst thing.

The colleague that Overseer Jasper was mocking just before he was attacked, that very same colleague is the new High Overseer. The new High Overseer doesn’t even need his blackmail journal when it comes to Overseer Jasper because of his current notoriety. The new High Overseer doesn’t forget easily.

Overseer Jasper isn’t going to be Overseer Jasper for much longer.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Never liked Jasper all that much.


	3. Alec

This is the story of a man named Alec.

Alec is a thug, a member of the Bottle Street Gang, and he operates in the area around Kaldwin’s Bridge. He commands a reasonable amount of respect from his peers,  as well as some loyalty.

The installation of an unforeseen, deadly obstacle at the foot of Kaldwin’s Bridge meant that Alec had to scout the area for alternate routes. It was during this scouting mission that Alec was apprehended by the City Watch and was locked in a cell in the majestic bridge.

Our story finds Alec biding his time in the cell, waiting for some means of escape. He hears a hideous scream followed by the unmistakable sound of a body hitting the floor. There is another agonizing groan.  Another body falls to the ground, this time in view of Alec. The body has been stabbed in the back, and there is blood pooling on the ground.

A hooded and cloaked man steps over the body, steps in the pool of blood and into the room. In his hand is a knife dripping with blood.

Alec calls out to him.

The cloaked figure fixes his gaze onto Alec. Underneath the hood is a mask, a grotesque representation of the human skull, with mechanical whirring in its eyes and a depression where the mouth ought to be, with needles arranged disjointedly, giving the mask an approximation of a gruesome, gleeful grin. The mask is flecked with blood.

Alec looks at this monstrosity before him and sees an easy mark. He asks the hooded figure to release him. Alec has a plan. Alec does not realise that this is a grave mistake.

Alec does not realise that this is the last mistake he will ever make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I find it hilarious (especially in high chaos) that Alec looks at Corvo and think "Hey, let's mug this guy, it's going to work out OK for me!"


	4. Interlude 1: My Heart Is At Peace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Taking a break from light sardonic narration to do something that's dark but not funny. We will return to our regularly-scheduled black comedy in the next one.

He’s done this before. But this is the first time he’s done it in over six months.

He’s pulling a switch. Now he’s turning around and crawling through the back of a fireplace. He’s so stealthy. No one’s going to see him. People only see him when he wants them to.

He’s in the secret room now. Their hideaway.

His gaze is immediately drawn to a loose sheet of paper. It’s in his hands now.The handwriting on it is reassuringly familiar. He’s imagining her hand on this paper as she wrote on it.

_ Corvo, I have missed you while you’ve been away,  _ the note read. It was written to him, then. He would have read it anyway. He would have read anything she wrote.

He’s slumped into the chair in front of the desk, his eyes hungrily devouring the words on the paper, as if he hopes to imprint it onto his brain. His gaze is now fixed on one line.

_ But when you are near, it is different. My heart is at peace. _

That’s the last line.

He’s peeling off the mask he wears, and he’s setting it down on the desk. The mask is still a little bloodstained. Everything on him is a little bloodstained.

Seemingly out of thin air, he’s produced a human heart. It has some clockwork mechanism on it, but it’s unmistakably a human heart.

His hands resting on the table, he holds the heart with both hands, clutching it like he’s drowning and it’s the only thing that can keep him afloat. He’s whispering something. It sounds like  _ What’s happened to us, Jessie... _

He’s crying now, ugly, heaving sobs. He’s crying so loudly, the guards will probably hear this. But he doesn’t care about that right now.

He doesn’t care about anything right now.

Because right now, he’s crying his heart out. And this is the first time he’s done this in over six months.


	5. Piero Joplin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Piero is cruising for a stabbing. Warning for major character death and fitting punishments.

This is the story of a man named Piero Joplin.

Piero Joplin needs no introduction, I think. We are all quite familiar with him.

Our story opens with the ignominious episode of Piero’s most recent fit of voyeurism. This time however, he had been caught in the act by Corvo Attano.

After spewing out untruths after lame excuse after false promises, he finally stops, realising that Corvo has accepted this nonsense. He tells Corvo that he is now returning to his workshop and once again pathetically begs him to keep this nasty secret between them.

Corvo appears at the workshop, a while later, asking for a bottle of a rare brandy. Piero doesn’t even like the brandy. However, given its scarceness, Piero tells Corvo that he is willing to part with it for the right amount of money. Corvo doesn’t say anything; he turns heel and walks away.

Piero does not realise the magnitude of the mistake he has just made. Allow me to explain.

Here is a list of things that Piero knows.

Piero is aware of the fact that he has asked Corvo to keep a secret, that if revealed, would cause him great disgrace. Piero knows that Corvo wants something that is in his possession. Piero knows that Corvo, a powerful man anyway, is now endowed with supernatural abilities, and that if Corvo wanted Piero dead, Piero would be dead. Piero knows that the greatest Natural Philosopher of the Empire is currently being held captive by his people, and he is no longer indispensable.

And yet, somehow, he had just charged Corvo for an item that he did not even like. I see the stupidity in this choice. But, Piero does not.

Here is something that Piero does not know.

Piero does not know that Corvo has an omniscient Heart that tells him secrets about those around him. Corvo knows that Piero’s indiscretions have persisted for a longer period of time that Piero would have him believe.

Piero does not know how much trouble he is in.

Corvo comes back to the workshop, this time with Callista Curnow.

He tells Callista about all the times Piero has spied on her while she bathed. Callista has an expression on her face that indicates shame, disgust, humiliation and rage. Piero feels truly sorry now. He is experiencing regret for his actions. But this level of regret is not satisfactory.

Corvo Attano thinks so too.

So, he draws his blade out and in a smooth, swift motion, stabs Piero through his left eye and then grabbing him roughly by his front, pulls the now-red blade out slowly.

Piero crumples to the ground, dead.

Corvo steps over the body and picks up the bottle of King Street Brandy waiting on the workbench.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't like Piero all that much and it always bugs me that right after you catch him doing something really awful (in my book anyway) he doesn't give you exactly what you want when you ask for it. No one is irreplaceable, Piero.


	6. Limericks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now, for something lighter. This one features a low-chaos Corvo.

This isn’t a story about limericks, but they do feature heavily.

Corvo Attano is in the Dunwall Distillery District, balanced precariously on some pipes high above on the wall, hidden from view. He is creeping along stealthy when he hears something that makes him stop in his tracks.

There are two thugs below him. One of them is telling the other a limerick. Corvo does not hear it completely but suspects that it isn’t very funny.

It’s the other one’s turn now.

This is the limerick he recited:  _ There once was a sailor from Morley, Who fancied a woman most sorely, He gave her his cash, She gave him a rash, And that's all, there isn't no more-ly. _

Corvo nearly falls off the pipe. He is extremely amused. He is both gleefully delighted and stupendously baffled at the man’s attempt to rhyme Morley with ‘more-ly’.

He turns around to exit the distillery. Let the old lady do her dirty work herself.

Good laughs are in short supply these days and he can’t bring himself to poison such excellent comedians.


	7. Adelle White

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Miss White didn't restrict her roving feet.

This is the story of a woman named Adelle White.

Miss Adelle White is an aristocrat whose chief interests as far as I can discern are, like so many of us, alcohol, gossip and dangerous men.

We join Miss White at the sprawling Boyle Estate, in a masquerade party hosted by the ladies of the house. She has just made acquaintance with a man dressed as the Masked Felon who has been the terror of Dunwall as of late.

She made him bring her wine, and she gave him a prize. She intends to bed him.

Later in the evening, she decides to do an unannounced inspection of the kitchens and the wine cellar, so she’ll have some talking points for the next gathering she’s invited to. She’ll do the bedrooms later. She knows that these areas are off limits. She is not especially bothered by this.

However, what should have been a routine surveillance of the Boyle basement instantaneously morphed into a nightmare as she comes face to face with the Masked Felon on the stairs, in his arms one of the hostesses for the evening, her throat slashed open, blood everywhere.

Miss White does not have time to scream, but in that infinitesimal moment of life she has left, overcomes her fondness for men with an element of danger. The bedrooms remain unexplored.

And Corvo Attano has two bodies to dispose of now.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really liked Miss White and it's hilarious to go onto the Dishonored Wiki and read about how many stealth runs she ruined by being so damn nosy!


	8. The Young Prince of Tyvia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's filth in the bathroom

This is the story of The Young Prince of Tyvia.

More specifically, a particular copy of the script of the infamous play. A copy that was found in the shared bathroom of the Hound Pits Pub.

It just... _appeared_ one day, all of a sudden. Everyone who visited the room and saw the book assumed it was someone else's.

Callista assumed that it was Lydia's because she seemed to be the kind of person who'd enjoy that sort of thing.

Lydia voiced suspicions that it was Cecelia's because it's always the shy ones who surprise you.

Cecelia assumed it was Wallace's because she saw his devotion to Treavor Pendleton in a different light.

Wallace assumed it was Admiral Havelock's because the other books there were his too, and he didn't think any of the other servants liked to read in their spare time. Not even plays.

Admiral Havelock assumed it was Callista's because repressed people always have a deeper appreciation of the erotic arts.

No one suspected Teague Martin and Corvo Attano because the book's arrival had preceded theirs'; and the two of them believed that it only contributed to the overall dinginess of the Hound Pits.

All of them had read it more than once.

You could say that in the end, the book belonged to all of them, and that the tacit agreement to never bring it up brought them all closer together.

If you did say that though, you'd be wrong.

It was Lydia's. She'd left it in the bathroom one day and forgot it there. She wasn't especially upset by this, but the embarrassment it caused the others gave her some much-needed amusement. 

But because she was murdered by Admiral Havelock, the secret died with her and no one ever knew that the copy of The Young Prince of Tyvia was hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can Arkane please resurrect Lydia for Dishonored 2?


	9. Callista Curnow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callista Curnow is alive.

This is a story about Callista Curnow.

Callista Curnow was the Empress’s governess. As a child, the Empress was extremely attached to her and regarded her as family.

However, soon, the Empress became too old to plausibly need a governess. Callista Curnow was promoted to the status of Royal Advisor out of love. Unfortunately, since Callista’s main specialties were the care of spoiled young children that she may not feel any affection for and (secretly) everything there was to know about whaling, she proved to be of little real use to the Empress. Everyone noticed this. The Empress seemed to care less and less about governance with each passing day.

One day, Callista’s beloved uncle Geoff Curnow passed away, leaving her alone in the world. Callista requested that she be allowed to lay her uncle to rest in their ancestral home, on the other side of the island. She told everyone that this was something she simply had to do, for the soul of her last remaining family.

She had no intention of doing so.

On the voyage, she had her ship sunk. And she made her escape.

She is a minor figure of authority in the same pirate gang that she paid to sink her ship. Every day is an adventure and her knowledge of whaling and seafaring serves her greatly.

Everyone in Dunwall believes she was lost at sea. She hopes that that is the fate that eventually awaits her. Burial at sea is romantic and beautiful.

But hopefully, not for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *snorts* "Lost at sea" *snickers*


End file.
